I'll Always Be On Your Mind
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: SLASH! MTxG. Gohan's depressed for the first two years after Goku dies, blaming himself. So, one day, he has enough and decides to go to the one place that would make him happy only what will happen once Chichi and the others gather the dragon
1. Chapter 1

disclaimers: Do not own DBZ.  
  
Um..My version of what happened those seven years when Goku was gone.  
  
Warnings: has some yaoi!! ^_^ And some very disturbing images, like suicide, extreme depression, cutting of oneself (..what is that called....) and rape (no! trunks doesnt rape him! someone else does)  
  
summary: Gohan's depressed for the first two years after Goku dies (that would make him 13), blaming himself. So, one day, he has enough and decides to go to the one place that would make him happy only what will happen once Chichi and the others gather the dragonballs to wish him back?  
  
  
  
I'LL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR MIND  
  
Gohan stared at his reflection in the mirror: at the dull lifeless sable orbs that mirrored none of the childish innocence he had once had before Cell came and messed his life up...when he inadvertently got his father killed. Not that he was much of father. He was never around, always training. When offered to come back, Goku refused wanting to have a journey in Other World. Gohan narrowed his eyes. It wasn't as if he could blame Goku. He was a pure Saiyajin, and it was normal for him to want to fight constantly. As for Gohan, since the Cell Games, he hadn't fought once. Instead, his mother made him study hard. Gohan figured that for a thirteen year old, he had been through more bull than most humans saw their entire lifetimes. Gohan raked a hand through the ebony locks that were cut in the exact haphazard spikes as when he had fought Cell. Mainly, he kept it that way as a reminder. His body, much too mature for a boy his age, was sculpted to perfection, the material of his navy gi clinging to his short frame. Long sleeves covered to the wrists and Gohan was glad it was almost fall. Chichi was becoming suspicious.  
  
Gohan slid the sleeve slowy up from his right wrist, grimacing when it skimmed the newest cut. Despite the clear, smooth flesh, he had done it before. Thats where eating just a tiny amount of Senzu bean came in handy; it stopped the flow of blood and cleared up any remnants of scars. He had kept the scar from the last time, he had ran out of Senzu beans. Gohan grasped the razor blade in his fingers and nicked the skin below the wrist bones. He gasped, as he always did, when the first layer of skin broke. Slicing deeper, he suppressed the cry when blood started to squirt. It had become..a kind of aphrodisiac. Sometimes, it would make him aroused, other times he became sick. He jabbed one last time before drawing the knife from his skin. He licked at the coppery fluid, tasting the bitter tang. Gohan dug underneath his pillow, producing a halved Senzu bean. Breaking it apart, he chewed the side. The blood cleared, the scar healed.  
  
Peeking out from his door down the hall to make sure his mother and little brother weren't on permises, he snuck into his bathroom. Locking the door, he spike his ki to low level and dissipated the bloodied razor with a blast. Sighing, Gohan cursed himself for being so weak that he resorted to making himself hurt to make up for those he had accidently caused pain; like his mother. Gohan knew he had a problem unlike most manic- deppressants. He knew that he should seek help but what would his mother think? The other Z Senshi? Gohan, savior of the world, was a suicidal maniac. What type of example was that to his two year old brother? Gohan frowned, creases wrinkling his flawless face.  
  
He heard the front door slam shut and he left the bathroom to the living room. Chichi ruffled his hair before carrying the bags into the kitchen. He couldn't help but smile. Despite the fact that Goku was dead, Chichi retained a composure no other person could match. Gohan figured it was because she knew Goku would be back sometime, like always. Though, Gohan realized, some few months before hand that Goku wouldn't be returning any time soon. He had a glim hope that his absent father would in fact appear suddenly in his life again but..by now it had flickered to a waning flame.  
  
Gohan went outside to fetch the remaining groceries, kneeling when his two year old brother waddled up to him. He was the spitting image of Goku. Gohan's heart twisted. He blamed himself sometimes and when looking at the minature version of his father, it brought the pain back tenfold. Forcing a smile onto his face, Gohan brushed a lock of raven hair from Goten's eyes. "Hey, little one. What are you doing outside?"  
  
A smile, which appeared to be permanent, filled the child's face. He twisted in his shoes, sucking on his thumb diligently, furry tail held behind him. Goten went into his brother's arms, resting his cheek against the shoulder he found. His brother always had such a pained expression and unfortunately, Goten couldn't do anything so instead, he offered what little comfort he could.  
  
Gohan sighed, picking the boy up and going into the house with the remaining bags of groceries in his left hand. Goten's eyelids dropped as he slipped into sleep. Gohan frowned. If only he could have been like that. However, he had never been after he was five. So much had happened between those eight years. Raditz, his uncle, kidnapping him.Vegeta and Nappa came, killing his friends including his teacher. Freeza, killing Vegeta and really testing his powers. Then...came Trunks. At the thought of the teenager from the future, a faint blushed settled on Gohan's cheeks.  
  
Trunks had been his first crush. Being around all men and two women had affected Gohan and Trunks was perfect. Strong, handsome, smart. Of course, Gohan hadn't known that the young man he met when he was seven would be the one he loved. Gohan had trained extra hard, hoping to impress Trunks when he returned and return, Trunks did. Trunks had been so...attentive to Gohan, helping him with his homework when they weren't fighting, helping him train, hanging out with him general. Then, came the sob story about how Trunks had lost the Gohan from his world. Gohan couldn't help but feel jealous of his olderself. Gohan wasn't sure if Trunks and Mirai Gohan had been together intimately, but he was positive that Trunks had liked Mirai Gohan. After coming from the Room of Spirit and Time, Gohan has spent ten wonderful days with Trunks and Gohan was sure he was in love with the teenager. He sensed the same feelings in Trunks' ki but...then he went away after the Cell Games. It had broken Gohan's heart.  
  
Gohan snapped himself from those thoughts. They were frivolous and only prove to be wishful thinking. Gohan deposited his brother onto the couch, smiling slightly at the sleeping kid. Chichi entered the living room and Gohan inwardly groaned. He knew the question before it was even asked. "Yes, Mom, I finished my work."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Can I go train now?"  
  
"I dont see why you want to. Cell is dead and there aren't going to be anymore threats to the planet."  
  
"Because it keeps me from being bored! I'm going to Vegeta's."  
  
"Vegeta?! Oh no you don't Gohan."  
  
"Why the hell not?!"  
  
"Watch your language and don't raise your voice to me! Vegeta is a blood thirsty killer. He is a bad influence."  
  
"Whatever. I'm going no matter what you say and you can't stop me."  
  
"What your father say Gohan?! To know that you are disobeying your mother."  
  
That was it. The last string unraveled. Brown eyes flashed teal, black hair streaked golden. Chichi stepped back, shocked at the aura of red ki covering her son. She had seen it before, in Vegeta and it wasn't good. Gohan glared at Chichi. "Dont you think I know?! Dad is dead! He is never coming back!!! Get that through your fucking head and quit talking about him like he will be! Your delusional.... and I can't stay here..." Gohan powered down. "I can't," he whispered, turning from the room and leaving the house. Chichi blinked, not comprehending that she may have lost her oldest son.  
  
* * *  
  
What did you think?! :P 


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimers: Do not own DBZ.  
  
Um..My version of what happened those seven years when Goku was gone.  
  
Warnings: has some yaoi!! ^_^ And some very disturbing images, like suicide, extreme depression, cutting of oneself (..what is that called....) and rape (no! trunks doesnt rape him! someone else does)  
  
summary: Gohan's depressed for the first two years after Goku dies (that would make him 13), blaming himself. So, one day, he has enough and decides to go to the one place that would make him happy only what will happen once Chichi and the others gather the dragonballs to wish him back?  
  
I'LL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR MIND  
  
Gohan shot into the air, flying towards Capsule Corporation, a place he used to escape to when he didnt want to go home. Yes, he loved his little brother and to a degree he loved his mother but there was something missing. Gohan shot a ki blast at a tree, blowing it to smithereens. He felt like killing, he felt like harming. Inside, Gohan was hurting, as it had been since Cell came and destroyed his life. Cell took his father's life and in turn, robbed Gohan of his security. He was the savior of the planet. He was the unnamed hero. He was....alone.  
  
Gohan paused in mid-air. What could he do to relieve himself of all the pain that built up inside of him? Death wasn't an option for his father would hunt him down. Living wasn't an option either. Running? What would that solve? His family would find him. Hiding? Same thing. So..what could he do? Where could he go? Then...running became quite the option he was looking for.  
  
The Dragonballs! Of course! Gohan turned, focusing in on the ki signature of Vegeta. He had to be discreet. Capsule Corporation wasn't very far from where he was, in fact, a five minute fly. Gohan wasn't sure if he could sneak into the building without alerting Vegeta or not but he had to try. Gohan gnawed his lip. Where would he go? The past? The future? A vision of a lavendar haired prince came to his mind. That was it.......  
  
Gohan lowered himself to the ground, masking his ki to where it was invincible. He balanced on a ledge of a window, quietly opening the window. Just another thing he learned from books. He slipped inside, being sure not to disturb the various objects lining the path that the miniature Trunks left in his wake.  
  
Where would the radar be? He strained his ears to hear if any of the Briefs family were aproaching. Nope, that was good. He went through the assorted corridors, searching. The laboratory, it could be the only place the Dragon Radar could be. He hoped that Bulma wasn't in there. He peeked cautiously into the room, thanking his lucky stars that it was empty save a few automatons. Gohan spotted his prize on Bulma's desk. He swallowed, hesitantly taking the equipment into his hands. This was it. There was no turning back.  
  
He shot through the dome-shaped house, quickly exiting by the window and shooting through the sky. He had to get far away before he summoned Shenlong. Gohan's heart raced painfully fast. He wasn't positive he was more exicted about the chance of seeing Trunks or the fact that he was running away from his problems. He didn't want to leave Goten; the little boy was his only life line but he had to escape. Gohan had reservations about traveling to the future; what if Trunks didn't want him there? It would shatter his heart more.  
  
Eventually, Gohan found the seven balls. It wasn't difficult, his flying skills were wickedly fast and improved. It was night, he stared at the heavens deciding it was time to summon the dragon. Gohan landed in a valley of plateaus; the Grand Canyon in America. If this wasn't secluded, the only other place he could think of would be Antartica and he wasn't about to go to someplace cold.  
  
"Shenlong! I summon you to grant my wish!" Gohan yelled to the star studded blanket of darkness, proud of himself that his voice didn't crack. He had never before done this on his own; someone was usually with him. Gohan stomped those irritating feelings. He was going to see Trunks, that he was.  
  
The dragon appeared in a blazing fury of gold, glaring at Gohan. "What is your wish?"  
  
Gohan thought his decision over.Would he return? Could he return? Trunks was worth, he was. "Send me to the time of Mirai no Trunks!"  
  
Shenlong was silent, his heavy breathing was all that cut through the oppressive silence. Finally, he spoke. "Your wish will be granted." And with that, Son Gohan disappeared from life in the present and into the future.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Mirai Trunks stood, leaning against a tree in the sparse forest seveal meters from the Capsule Corporation. The sun was reaching its rays towards the waning moon, greeting her in one last embrace before he took his reign over the day. Trunks yawned, stretching his muscular arms to relieve the kinks that had developed from his night of sleeping on the grass. There was too much inside the CC; Bulma was reparing electronics and making a wretchedly tremendous commotion.  
  
The wind blew the soft strands of violet hair lethargically, the young man not giving a care to his disheveled appearance. It wasn't as if he would see anyone. The androids and Cell were no more, leaving Trunks little to do. He would visit Chichi-san and help his mother but other than that, he was lonely. The girls in town were bothersome, the boys even worse. Those people didn't understand him.  
  
Dreams often visited Trunks; waking and slumbering. His dreams would alternate between the two Gohan's he had know; Mirai and Chibi. He hated himself for still living in the past of the times with the two polar opposite Gohan's. Trunks sighed, flying towards his home. He could hear the electrical whirring of Bulma's creations. He went inside, removing his boots and jacket. Bulma still insisted on cleanliness.  
  
CC outputted nearly the entire world with power and Bulma didn't ask for money. In return, the businesses gave her free food, free clothing, free everything. Trunks nose sniffed the air. Was that what he thought it was?! He jogged through the house, keen on getting to the kitchen where the wafting of delicious scents were orginating from.  
  
Bulma stood over a mixing bowl, finishing the first step of making a batch of chocolate chip cookies; a sweet that Trunks hadn't tasted since his childhood. The blue haired woman smiled warmly. "Goodmorning Trunks."  
  
"Ohayou, Kaasan," Trunks kissed the wrinkled brow. "Cookies? Where'd you get the supplies to make these?"  
  
"Takanaka had a shipment brought in from Holland. Sit down Trunks, I made you breakfast." Bulma set a plate in front of her son, ruffling his hair good naturedly. "I need you to go into town today and get some more provisions. We're almost out. I would but I dont have the time."  
  
"Of course I will Kaasan."  
  
Bulma smiled, depositing the lumpy concoction onto a baking sheet. "I knew you would." Trunks ate thoughtfully, knowing Bulma had ulterior motives to his going to town. She wished he would meet a nice young woman to marry and produce her grandchildren. Trunks wanted to do just that but his heart was still with his Gohan.  
  
~ *~ ~  
  
Wow, I finally updated! ^_^ Thankies for reviewing  
  
Next chapter: *gasp* They meet and Chichi realizes Goten has vanished. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimers: not mine  
  
warnings: boy x boy love  
  
archive: Boxer and Rice website. ^_^ *bows to the magnificent Herve-sama*  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Gohan gave a short screech as he landed on his bum in the middle of what appeared to be West City. He yelped, leaping on his feet and holding his bum that felt electrocuted. Shenlong could have been more considerate. Gohan returned the puzzled stares with one of the famous Son Grins, holding his hand behind his head much like his father did when he was nervous. Gohan ignored the whispers as he walked the streets of the war torn city.  
  
Though, mostly repaired, there were still several collapsing buildings, there were still some giant potholes in the roads, still rubble piled, still charred trees and grass. Gohan gnawed his lip. This place was what Trunks had to live through. Small wonder the older teenager had been so prone on making sure the time line of Gohan's world wasn't as terrible. Gohan's heart ached a little. Trunks had to deal with all of this own on his own. Gohan-san had died when Trunks was thirteen; four years before Bulma-san perfected the Time Machine.  
  
Gohan's hand closed around the Dragon Radar, thinking about his own home. Had he made a rash judgment in wishing to come to Trunks' world? Gohan sighed. It was too late for regrets. Gohan tightened the tie of his gi, unprepared for the sudden blast of chill wind that swept through the sparse trees. He folded his arms in front of his chest, casting curious gazes at the rehabilitating world. So different yet so the same. Where the Cinema should have been, a clothing bank for those still trying to get back on their feet stood erected proudly. Where the Arcade was in his home, a soup kitchen had been made.  
  
Gohan kept the pity from his eyes as he saw an old man hobbling into the soup kitchen, one leg completely missing. Gohan's stomach lurched. What if Trunks had been hurt when battling the Jinzouningen or Cell? That was impossible though. Trunks had become insanely strong. He could have defeated Cell had the excess muscles not made him slower. Gohan had been so proud of Trunks. Vegeta had accepted Trunks as his son; Gohan clearly remembered the howl of rage and the intense anger Vegeta had exhibited when his future son had been killed by Cell. Gohan, too, had been furious.  
  
He felt out of place. He felt guilty because he was healthy. These people appeared to be so wan and haggard as if their daily lives were taxing what little life they had left. Gohan had always been an eager and optimistic child whose innocene had not been spoiled even with all the death he's experienced but seeing the suffering of the civilians was too much. Twin trails of saline coursed his cheeks. It was sad. He wiped the tears aside before anyone saw.  
  
Suddenly, Gohan paused mid-step. That smell? It couldn't be. Like a dog, Gohan's nose rose into the air, taking in the exotic scent. A tantalizing scent of rain that just seemed to describe the prince remarkably. It always appealed to Gohan. Gohan turned, searching for Trunks. There he was. Chin length lavendar hair shining in the sun, bronzed flesh emitting such pheromenes that Gohan was forced to control his libido. The sinfully tight black tank that showed the brazen muscles of a god, the loose breeches that hid the strong legs and pert arse. However, Gohan's attention traveled towards his prince's face, to his eyes. Those popsicle blue eyes were so guarded. The haunting film caused Gohan to shudder. He reminded him of Vegeta but....even Vegeta had an inkling of emotion in his obsidian oculates albeit it was mostly anger. Trunks' were blank.  
  
Gohan hoped his prince would not turn from him or tell him to return home. He couldn't bear the agony. Gohan would not act like a fool and run full throttle towards Trunks. He had more control than that. He walked like a man with a purpose, focused purely on the oblivious Trunks. Gohan paused just as he was within speaking distance. The butterflies in his stomach were fluttering sporadically. "T..Trunks-san," it came out a whisper but grew in force.  
  
Trunks gaped. To put he was shocked would have been mildly describing the sudden squall of emotions currently attempting to drive him brainless. The small boy that he had spent restless nights about, trying to focus solely that Gohan was Gohan not Mirai Gohan, was in front of him. He had become so handsome. How many years had he aged? "Hi Gohan," it was little more than a breathless sigh.  
  
"I missed you Trunks." Gohan peered into the shielded lapis lazuli orbs, hoping that Trunks might let him shatter those barriers. Trunks was only a few inches taller than Gohan; the younger having no doubt hit puberty and that in turn gave him a hefty growth spurt. Gohan was glad that he could actually look into Trunks' eyes without craning his neck too much.  
  
"Gohan....why are you here? How did you get here?" Trunks asked, perplexed at the sudden appearance of the raven haired boy. It didn't make sense. Trunks cocked a quizzical brow when Gohan averted his eyes from Trunks. It was then he saw the Dragon Radar. "Gohan, did you tell anyone you were leaving?" Gohan bit his lip, shaking his head. Trunks shook his head. "Why did you run away? Your mother's going to be worried sick about you! I dont even know if the dragonballs exist anymore in this world. It'll take at least a month to find them if they're even active. Kaasan might be able to make another time machine. Kami..."  
  
Gohan's eyes began pooling with tears. "You don't want me here?" Trunks clasped Gohan's shoulders in his hands, not paying attention to the probing and even envious glares from the surrounding people. Gohan tilted his head to peer up at Trunks. A flicker of warmth was in the otherwise frigid depths.  
  
"Of course I want you here. You dont know much I'm glad you chose to come here. It's just...you shouldn't have ran away. I have to pick up some provisions for Kaasan, you can tell me why you you came here on the way." Trunks let go of Gohan and started walking towards the shopping center.  
  
"I just got sick of it. Dad left and he's not coming back. Mom doesn't understand why I keep training when she says I should be studying. She says that it doesnt make sense that I train when there won't ever be another threat to the planet. She doesn't understand that it's in my blood. Saiyajin have to fight. It's like oxygen to us. What really ticks me off is when she calls Vegeta all sorts of bad names." Trunks glanced sharply at Gohan. "She says he's bloodthirsty and that I shouldn't hang around with him but he's the only one who will train me at my hardest. My brother's too young to spar, Trunks is a toddler too. Piccolo and the rest of the Z Senshi aren't worth a fight. I dont know. I wanted to come here so I could be around someone that understood. I'm sorry if I've upset you by coming here but...but I thought you wouldn't mind. It's been so lonely Trunks." Gohan put all of his feelings into the last sentence.  
  
Trunks was surprised at the amount of passion and raw hunger in Gohan's dark eyes. He wasn't positive what it meant or what it was directed at but in that moment, Trunks knew he couldn't yell at Gohan for coming to his world. "I see what you mean Gohan. I just wish you had left a note. You can stay with me in Capsule Corporation for as long as you like. We can start searching for the dragonballs tomorrow." Gohan's face fell dejectedly. "You can't stay here forever Gohan. You were meant to have a life in your world. If you stay here too long, that life will be completely messed up and destroy the time line."  
  
Gohan nodded jadedly. "I suppose so. Will Bulma-san be mad if I come?"  
  
Trunks chuckled, handing the list of items to the man behind the counter of the grocery store. "Not at all. If anything, she'll be happy that she has someone to relate too. You can tell her all sorts of bad stories about Otousan. She needs the reminders." Trunks' lips quirked into a wry smile.  
  
"Will that be able, Briefs-san?" the man asked, handing him the bag of food and other objects.  
  
"Yes, thank you Hiead." Trunks and Gohan left. Gohan had his head cocked in an endearing manner. Trunks read the expression. "Kaasan provides power free of charge so businesses give us stuff free of charge. It's a fair trade."  
  
"Hai." Gohan smiled at his prince, all traces of awkwardness erased as the duo walked towards the looming Capsule Corporation. He was happy with a smidgen of guilt. His mother might be going crazy with trying to find her wayward son but Gohan didn't care. His heart was thumping in pure, unadulterated joy. His entrails were dripping with shyness and desire for his older friend and if he played his cards right, Gohan would admit his feelings of love for Trunks even at the expense of being shunned.  
  
Trunks glanced at the young teenager beside him. It was a welcoming sight to see such naive merriment dancing across Gohan's visage. It had been too long since Trunks had been able to let his solid barrier collapse. Perhaps with Gohan's help, he might be able to become happy once again.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Chichi yawned, shuffling towards the kitchen to put on a pot of tea water. It was early, probably only five. She was used to waking at that time for Goten would bound out of bed any second. He would usually end up dragging his older brother with him. Chichi sighed. She hadn't heard Gohan come inside and she was worried. She had been too hard on him. Though she didn't agree with Gohan training with Vegeta she knew that doing that was the only outlet Gohan had for keeping in touch with at least a tiny speck of his father. Vegeta was pure Saiyajin and that alone was enough for Gohan to bond with him.  
  
A squeak came from the doorway and Chichi grinned at her toddler. Goten, in his diaper, was twisting his security blanket into a knot and his tail was wrapped around his waist. Chichi's grin grew grim. She knew something was wrong. There were flecks of tears in Goten's insanely large eyes. Chichi scooped Goten into her arms and rushed towards Gohan's room.  
  
It was empty. Chichi sank onto her oldest son's bed, holding her hand to heart erradically beating heart. Goten let out a long wail and started to sob. He refused to be comforted by Chichi as he buried himself into the blankets, smelling his brother's scent. Chichi could only wait until Goten cried himself into slumber, nose buried into the duvet. She gently covered Goten with a spare afghan.  
  
The phone rang in the living room. Chichi peeked at Goten to make sure he was alright before hurrying to the room. She hoped it might be Gohan but it wasn't. It was Bulma. "Chichi! Have you seen Gohan? I think he took the Dragon Radar and- Chichi?" Chichi stifled her cries. Gohan was gone and it was her fault.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
MUHAHAHAHA! I'm soooo glad I got interested again. *bows to the magnificent Herve again*  
  
next chapter: Gohan x Trunks fluffly moments. No yaoi yet. ^_^ be patient. All lemons will be archived on my yahoo group or website. 


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